(Keep in mind this is funnier if you imagine it in a German accent.) Wilkommen a South Florida! My name is Jurgen, and I will be your tour guide for today. South Florida is located near Cuba, but it is actually a part of New York. The official sports team of South Florida is the Yankees. The climate in South Florida is warm. There are 2 seasons: hot, and I-want-to-crawl-into-a-freezer-and-die hot. The official language spoken is Spanish, and New York. Citizens here drive on the right side of the road (and sometimes, the middle). The official vehicles of South Florida are the Lexus, the 1991 Isuzu Rodeo, and the very fast motorbike (or, crotch-rocket). The official greeting is the “handgun flash.” The official food of South Florida is Fried. When people on South Florida want to be outside, they go to the mall. When they want “a dose of culture” they head to the Hard Rock Casino. South Florida’s historic district is the “Sunshine Gardens” subdivision, built back in 1972. The official bird of South Florida is the dragonfly. The official animal is the invasive python. The currency here is the counterfeit 20 dollar bill. The dress code in many establishments is the “spray-on tan.” The official flag is the wife beater. Keep in mind that South Florida is very safe. If you need a police officer, they are usually driving yellow Dodge Chargers. With that, I invite you to enjoy your stay, and experience everything that this lovely slice of America has to offer you!